Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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