only if we run a train.
done.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
