does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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