hotel room ftw
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
