I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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