I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
