I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
