omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me too!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
