The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
