my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize