bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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