So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
