capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
