I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
