I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
