a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
