Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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