Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
