u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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