wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
