i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize