If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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