The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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