My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Rumble strips road head = magical
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
