oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high