he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
