I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens