I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
