Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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