I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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