He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
