So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
