my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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