just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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