I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
