the condom got lost in my hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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