I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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