Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
