i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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