that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
