oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
