Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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