I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
