I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
