good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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