i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
