I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
