still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how drunk are you?
Several
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
