she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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