like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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