I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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