i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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