it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
