I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't turn off my feet"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
