I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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