All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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