She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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