it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
