She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
