Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
