i think my tv is drunk
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
