Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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