New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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