I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
