Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
