are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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