She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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