Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
