There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
