so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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