Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
